Lose Temper

My tolerance had peaked today that I burst out scolding my roommate. I am not the one who justify his attitude but I find he was rather annoying with his commanding voice telling me what to do and what not. I know this is my short falling as I can`t bear with command from peers. (Neither mom) Yeah, I am my boss, don’t command me! I suppose I am very rebellious and caused bunch of trouble in home, upset my mom every time she tried to make me do something. I just don’t take orders!

Anyway, after reprimanded him, I felt guilty for not being able to control my emotion. A part of me thinks he deserved it, but the angel part urges me to nice to everyone. Her argument is he does not did anything wrong after all. I am the one who could not engage the conversation. But I had lost my temper and what amends the situations? I have no idea. I think saying sorry for second times will to no avail. God save me! I need salvation.

I know it sounds bad, but I doubt his sincerity in our friendship.

F for fragile
That`s why Friendship start with F.

Unbalanced State of Affection

Have you heard “I need you tonight” by Backstreet Boys? Such feeling rushes in my arteries once awhile, especially during full moon. It sounds totally ridiculous to accuse the moon for my moody and emotional ignorance. Strong sentiments drive me away from my studies, revision and a long to-do list. If you were by my side, I suppose everything will be much more different.

Give up, I told myself few years back, I knew cupid will never send her to me again. But why, I met her shadow in my class, named Love, in coincidence. Should I use the word shadow? They are two discrete figures with distinctive habit and share nothing in common. Nonetheless, I can`t help myself relating them together. For the very first place, I am not mean to be here, should not meet her and should not be her classmate. Grown up 3700km apart, seemingly we stand no chance even to meet up. Wonderfully, my delayed arrival had made these all possible.

Are these valid reasons? No! They are innocent while I am the one who should be vigilant and oblique in making choices and taking every single step. I seek for “approval” from friends to convince me that`s ok. But deep inside my heart, I strongly agree that having affairs is wrong independent what majority voted for. The seeking behavior itself reveals the devil side of me. However, how should I keep myself away from the Eden`s apple? Responsibility towards me, my roles and my counterpart, they are in diverging paths.

Whatsoever, the exam is around the corner. I have formal reason to keep it out of my mind, at least in a forceful way. Hereby I would like to share the lyrics. Feel free to download the song yourself, overall it is a sentimental song which soothe my nerves. Just for tonight, it invokes my affection, emotion—the unknown side of me.

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I Need You Tonight -- Backstreet Boy
Open up your heart to me
And say what`s on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time, and

I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right
I really need you tonight

I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, oh yes they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time, and

I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right

All those endless times
We tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know
I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right
I really need you, oh

I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now – It`s gotta be this, it`s gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or it`s right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight

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The seasons revolve as the clock tick-tock
Suffered under the merciless sunshine
Witnessed fall with reddish leaves
Experiencing first freezing winter

Holding promises, aim and principle
Challenged by reality
What`s at the end of this road?
God knows


p/s: mom, i am sure sooner or later you would read this post. I wish to have my privacy for this. I think no comment is needed.

Struggle in the Water

When I was around five, swimming lesson was my weekend routine. It was always a great pleasure to spend the dawn in the pool. I believe I am born lack of the gene to survive in water. The pictures of drowning in the pool are still vivid and real. Fortunate enough, my brother was always there to struggle in the water with me. Haha! Pity you, gor. Without his board shoulder, I doubt the existence of this blog. However, my weekend routine faded as my brother was diagnosed sinusitis due to swimming. Albeit I stopped swimming, I had undergone surgeries twice due to sinus.

After so many years, I am forced to swim again. My first lesson fell on early winter. Since the temperature wasn`t too low, the pool was maintained at mere 23 degrees. Wow! That`s cold! Everyone was giggling when having breaks in the pool. Today was my second lesson. Thank god, they heated the water at a nice 27 degrees. After drinking chlorine water and cramping at the side of the pool, I wonder if my long abandoned skill improves.



I had a date with a maple tree during autumn,
Rosy orange leaf is so adorable and irresistible.