Lose Temper

My tolerance had peaked today that I burst out scolding my roommate. I am not the one who justify his attitude but I find he was rather annoying with his commanding voice telling me what to do and what not. I know this is my short falling as I can`t bear with command from peers. (Neither mom) Yeah, I am my boss, don’t command me! I suppose I am very rebellious and caused bunch of trouble in home, upset my mom every time she tried to make me do something. I just don’t take orders!

Anyway, after reprimanded him, I felt guilty for not being able to control my emotion. A part of me thinks he deserved it, but the angel part urges me to nice to everyone. Her argument is he does not did anything wrong after all. I am the one who could not engage the conversation. But I had lost my temper and what amends the situations? I have no idea. I think saying sorry for second times will to no avail. God save me! I need salvation.

I know it sounds bad, but I doubt his sincerity in our friendship.

F for fragile
That`s why Friendship start with F.

Unbalanced State of Affection

Have you heard “I need you tonight” by Backstreet Boys? Such feeling rushes in my arteries once awhile, especially during full moon. It sounds totally ridiculous to accuse the moon for my moody and emotional ignorance. Strong sentiments drive me away from my studies, revision and a long to-do list. If you were by my side, I suppose everything will be much more different.

Give up, I told myself few years back, I knew cupid will never send her to me again. But why, I met her shadow in my class, named Love, in coincidence. Should I use the word shadow? They are two discrete figures with distinctive habit and share nothing in common. Nonetheless, I can`t help myself relating them together. For the very first place, I am not mean to be here, should not meet her and should not be her classmate. Grown up 3700km apart, seemingly we stand no chance even to meet up. Wonderfully, my delayed arrival had made these all possible.

Are these valid reasons? No! They are innocent while I am the one who should be vigilant and oblique in making choices and taking every single step. I seek for “approval” from friends to convince me that`s ok. But deep inside my heart, I strongly agree that having affairs is wrong independent what majority voted for. The seeking behavior itself reveals the devil side of me. However, how should I keep myself away from the Eden`s apple? Responsibility towards me, my roles and my counterpart, they are in diverging paths.

Whatsoever, the exam is around the corner. I have formal reason to keep it out of my mind, at least in a forceful way. Hereby I would like to share the lyrics. Feel free to download the song yourself, overall it is a sentimental song which soothe my nerves. Just for tonight, it invokes my affection, emotion—the unknown side of me.

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I Need You Tonight -- Backstreet Boy
Open up your heart to me
And say what`s on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time, and

I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right
I really need you tonight

I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, oh yes they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time, and

I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right

All those endless times
We tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know
I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or right
I really need you, oh

I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now – It`s gotta be this, it`s gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn`t matter if it`s wrong or it`s right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight

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The seasons revolve as the clock tick-tock
Suffered under the merciless sunshine
Witnessed fall with reddish leaves
Experiencing first freezing winter

Holding promises, aim and principle
Challenged by reality
What`s at the end of this road?
God knows


p/s: mom, i am sure sooner or later you would read this post. I wish to have my privacy for this. I think no comment is needed.

Struggle in the Water

When I was around five, swimming lesson was my weekend routine. It was always a great pleasure to spend the dawn in the pool. I believe I am born lack of the gene to survive in water. The pictures of drowning in the pool are still vivid and real. Fortunate enough, my brother was always there to struggle in the water with me. Haha! Pity you, gor. Without his board shoulder, I doubt the existence of this blog. However, my weekend routine faded as my brother was diagnosed sinusitis due to swimming. Albeit I stopped swimming, I had undergone surgeries twice due to sinus.

After so many years, I am forced to swim again. My first lesson fell on early winter. Since the temperature wasn`t too low, the pool was maintained at mere 23 degrees. Wow! That`s cold! Everyone was giggling when having breaks in the pool. Today was my second lesson. Thank god, they heated the water at a nice 27 degrees. After drinking chlorine water and cramping at the side of the pool, I wonder if my long abandoned skill improves.



I had a date with a maple tree during autumn,
Rosy orange leaf is so adorable and irresistible.

Dusk in NDMC, NTU and USJ4

I had a few basketball games during my PE lesson. Collaborate with 之豪and傢誠, some of my best buddies in NDMC, the games were at the best in all aspect. Despite the adrenaline-rushing moment, I appreciate the laughter from the game rather than the game itself.

Few years back I had a broke up and started to pick up basketball to wear me out so that I would be able to sleep tight at night. The courts recorded predicament as well as the joy found in basketball. Sport is a very good medium for bonding which brings strangers together. The view of the sunset in USJ4 court is breathtaking!
During my happiest time in my life in NTU, playing basketball is more than a sport. It is a social activity which you get to know a lot of seniors and friends who share the same interest. Joining them would help you kill SOME of your free time. (As you would be too free in university, nothing can actually keep you unavailable for the whole day) This court has the memory of walking for 10 mins just to play basketball. Dusk is not as spectacular but it is memorable.

This evening, crossing up my arms looking at the twilight exudes at 101, I had snap shot the scenery filled with orange radiances and joy of basketball. Blending myself and the new community together, I realized that you have to let go before you can pick up new stuff.


Radiance of the dusk blend with the laughter,
Reminisced and recorded the basketball court.

Cool quote

"Which way are you going? The left one where there is nothing right? Or the right one, where there is nothing left?"

Haha, even though we mix up the direction... you still can differentiate left from right?

The Night Before my Chinese Examination

Freedom is the ultimate of our life. We are all seeking freedom in all aspect, financially and physically. That`s why detention sounds horrible to most people. I was the one who send me here, gave up my rights as an ordinary undergraduate. Forced to spend the essence of the day in chores, giving up the best hours for study in the mid nights, etc, I wonder do these worth it? Who can guarantee a better life in future, a better job in terms of money and job prospect? Mom I would really like to let you down, I am really suffering so much here. I can`t remember when I smiled from the bottom of my heart, there weren`t a moment that I really enjoyed myself here. Did I have any? Ya, I admitted that I was not down and emo all the time.

But back to question; does going back worth all the investment spent? Dad is going to have a golden hand shake from his company, yet I am still wondering with my university (which should be done 2 years back). I was once procrastinating in NTU, I was once homesick. Davis, you must pull yourself together, bear all the stress and tackle all the problems of your life. You must not freak out whenever you lost emotional and spiritual guidance. Your heart will bring you through the life. Ya, you are interested in mathematics, but your love is greater! Undoubted, I love the career that help others, engage with different personality every day.

Not to be result orientated, flying colors in the papers are not the goal in life. Effort spent is not only justified by the numbers. Yeah, I lost my glory in study and I was not top here despite theoretically equal effort spent. These are no valid reason for leaving. I wonder who can give me a valid reason to quit or to change one decision that you mean to be final.

What justified in life? Money? Love? Passion? Family? Myself? If it is for me to justify, what shall I choose… Lost…

I learned to suppress my emotion, but not good enough to prevent this post.

Call It A Day

The disaster started when a bee stung my foot. After my shower, I was preparing to study my mid-term when the sudden pain from leg caught my attention. I was curious about the sharp irritation until I saw a bee on the floor. Oh my god, what a bee, why do you sting me?

As the normal procedure, I went for medical treatment. The treatments were more suffering than the bee sting. I had two injections, one for anti-inflammation and the other for tetanus. The question still bugs me a lot, why do I need a tetanus injection for a bee stung? The nurses and doctors did not even explain why the injection is needed.

Does the side-effect of those injections include sleepy? They cost me more than rm100 and a very important night study. I planned to finish my biology revision that night. Gosh, the very first thing I do when I reached my room is sleep. There the night went, tranquil and easy.

Obviously, I would not do well in my biology midterm examination today. Though I am not a result orientated person, I can’t forgive myself for carelessly answer so many question which I am so sure of the answer. I had no idea what`s bugging me during the exam. I even did my checking twice.

Anyway, it worth celebration since the mid term is coming to an end. This means that the journey back to home is nearer! WOOHOO.